5 Days!!!

Well, technically now we're at 4.5 since half the day is over.

Definitely still freaking out.  Anxiety is at an all time high and I'm wishing for a xanax IV right about now.  Thankfully, I've managed to stick with my healthy eating plan and I'm feeling less bloated and the water weight is pouring out...  Who knew blueberries were a natural diuretic?!?!  Holy moly! 

So I got my before pics all taken and cropped.  I need to blur out the naughty bits, but I'll post them with the afters probably sometime next week. 

I'll say one thing for sure...  all this waiting is for the birds.  I should have just scheduled this thing for the next day so it could have been done and over with.  I know all the anxiousness I feel can't be good for me.  Just the thought of it sends my stomach reeling and heart racing.  Why can't I just sleep through the next 4 weeks and be done with this!?!

Speaking of sleep...  I'm not doing that much lately.  Again, the anticipation of W.A.I.T.I.N.G keeps me from being able to relax and shut off my stupid brain. 

One kinda cool thing.  When I got home from work yesterday, I went to hang up my clothes and then thought "I doubt I'll be able to wear these again."  So this week, I'm paying tribute to all the clothes that will get their last wear.  Although there are not enough days between now and then to wear everything that won't fit.  So I'm just wearing my favorites one last time. 

Once I'm up for it after surgery, my closet will get a major overhaul.  When I'm done, I won't have any clothes left!!!

Now I've got to start saving up to replace my wardrobe.  Donations are being accepted.  =)

The COUNTDOWN is ON!!!

11 days until I go under the knife for skin removal and breast reconstruction!!!

Right now, I'm just taking each day as it comes.  And lately, they've been coming with a butt load of stress!  I have about 5 work days before I'm off for a few weeks to heal and the stack of work I need to finish is about as tall as I am.  Well, thankfully I'm short.  =)

I know as a result of the stress, I'm turning to carbs and other foods I know I need to stay away from.  So I'm committing myself to stick to protein, shakes, veggies, fruit, water, and vitamins for the next 11 days.  ESPECIALLY the shakes!!!  I have got to keep my protein up so I can ensure I heal well and QUICKLY!!!  Tentatively, I'm going back to work after 17 days...  as opposed to the original 22 days I was planning on taking off.  It's only the difference of 5 days, but I'm guessing a lot can change in 5 days.

This weekend, I'll have the hubs take my before pics so I can post them here.  In the meantime, I'm totally freaking out!  I'm excited, but extremely anxious about it all.  For some reason, I'm scared of looking worse than I do now.  Although I think anything would be an improvement to what I have right now.  It's just hard for me to imagine what I'm going to look like without all the skin around my abdomen and sagging boobs.  Honestly, I've always looked like this so I don't know any different.  The last time I had a semi-normal figure was when I was about 6 or 7 years old.  Somehow, I don't think I can compare the 33 year old body I have now to the body of a prepubescent child.

Did I mention I was freaking out!?!?!?!?

Moving on to Phase 2!!!

Its that time in the journey to move to the second phase and start removing some of this skin!  Weighing in at 219 lbs (total of 206 lb loss from my highest known weight), I wasn't sure if I was jumping the gun.  I figured a visit to the plastic surgeon's office would give me a better understanding.  After meeting with him, he feels that I am an excellent candidate for a circumferential abdominoplasty and he will also be doing a mastopexy to remove excess skin from my ribcage and breasts.

I'm already scheduled for August 25th!!!  Just over 4 weeks till surgery day!  I am definitely freaking out!  Every morning when I get ready for work, I look in the mirror and take inventory of what won't be there anymore.  I can't begin to tell you how life changing this will be! 

As far as my weight goals go, I still have a ways to go.  I know I'm not going to wake up and be at goal weight or look like a model.  I'm very realistic about my expectations.  I need my body to be functional.  With all this extra skin on my midsection, I am no where near as functional as I need or want to be! 

I won't lie...  This next step scares the mess out of me.  But I can't stress how necessary it is in order to keep moving forward in this journey.  I have such amazing people in my life supporting me.  After all is said and done, it will be totally worth it!

Surgical clearance is scheduled for 7/28 and my pre-op appointment is 7/31.  Next week will be a busy one for sure!!!

31 more days!!!!!

Non-Scale Victory of a LIFETIME!!!

For the girls birthdays, we got them tickets to the New Orleans Wizard World Comic Con. On Saturday, we spent the better part of our 10 hour adventure on our feet - walking and seeing everything there was to see at this amazing event! I was amazed by my FitBit's readout at the end of the night. Almost 17,000 steps and nearly 7 miles walked. I think about where I was 7 years ago when I started this journey... I even reread My Story and remembered how badly my back hurt just to stand at the sink to wash dishes. An outing like this was something that only existed in my wildest dreams. I never want MY weight to stand in the way of someone else's dreams and for a long time, my inability to do things like this has kept my girls isolated. That's so not fair to them. The memories they created on this trip will be ones that will last a lifetime... They got to meet Glen (Steven Yeun) from The Walking Dead and get a picture with him. They got to see Stan Lee and Dean Cain and Linda Hamilton and Zach Galligan! We sat in the audience for a taping of an episode of SyFy's The Heroes of Cosplay! Those are so few of the many awesome things we saw and did!!!

There is absolutely no way I could have done this 200 lbs ago. No way.... So this was something completely foreign to me. I've been big for so long, I tend to avoid social situations and crowds like the plague. I think I mentioned before that I deal with an insane amount of anxiety. But despite being sick (2 weeks now with a head cold and chest congestion), I did it. I didn’t allow my insecurities keep me from enjoying myself. I didn’t even think about how still being 100 lbs overweight would affect my joints or how much pain I might be in later. I didn’t once allow any of that to keep my girls from having the absolute best time possible.

We had a freaking blast! They are already planning to go again next year!!! Who knew living was gonna be so much fun!?!?!?

New Year Off to a GOOD Start!

December was tough, but we made it through.  January took some transitioning and some adjustments, but again... we made it through.  My current weight is 227 which has been holding steady for quite some time now.  I started exercising a few weeks ago and with no changes to my diet, I fluctuated up 6 lbs.  Then I got sick and quit exercising and I'm back down to 227.  Weird how that works.  As soon as I can get rid of this upper respiratory junk, I'll resume walking and hopefully preparing for my first 5k.  I committed to a 1/2 marathon for February 2015.  So I have a goal to work toward.

Trying to help hubby get back on track, I made some infused waters to help detox.  I can say the fat flush water with grapefruit, orange, mint, cucumber and green tea tastes like ass.  But there's another one that I found that isn't bad.  this one calls for:

Gallon Jug
4 tbsp lemon juice
4 tbsp diet cranberry juice
2 bags of dandelion tea (brewed)

Mix together in gallon jug and fill with water and refrigerate for 2 hours before drinking.  This is not meant to be a meal replacement. 

I will drink it out of a 24 oz cup.  2 cups of the detox water and I add another 1/2 cup or so of cranberry juice and fill the rest with ice.  Yesterday was my first day trying it out and I was peeing every hour and it definitely helped move things along with #2 as well.  Hubby didn't notice much of a difference, but he'd only had about 1/3 of what I'd had for the day since he was at work most of the day.  I figured I'll give it a week and see how things go.  I'm so close to my 200 lb lost mark.  I'd like to be there SOON!!!  2 more lbs to go!  And only 28 lbs to ONEderland!!!

Our road to healthy has taken a turn for the better.  Our little ones (9 and 10 year old girls) have decided to jump on the wagon with us.  Our almost 9 year old struggles with her weight and has gained 10 lbs since August, despite being active and staying away from junk food.  We have always been very open about nutrition and always talk about how our bodies process food for fuel.  Apparently something sunk in with her and after weighing in at 92 lbs 3 weeks ago, she decided she needed to make a change.  She and I have been working on her food choices and incorporating regular activity and she is down 2.5 lbs.  Because she is still young and growing, I don't want her to focus on losing weight...  I just want her to focus on not gaining.  She will grow into the weight that she is.  But I know how much of a boost it is to her self-esteem to see that her efforts are putting out some positive results!!  So if she loses weight in the process, then we will take every little success we can.


I've got some big goals for the year.  First is to get back to school.  Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll at least finish my Associates in Psychology.  Like I mentioned, I'm aiming for a 5k in a few months and a 1/2 marathon in about a year.  I'm hoping to make it to ONEderland by the end of the year.  I know losing this weight is not a race so I'm fine if it comes off slowly.  I will not sacrifice my health for a number on a scale. 

Well that's all I've got for now.  Hopefully I'll have my 200 lb lost update soon!!!  =)

Taking Things to a New Kind of Low...

I'm a few days shy of being 13 months out from my Duodenal Switch.  I have finally surpassed my lowest weight and lost ALL of the weight I'd regained.  My weight this morning...  234.  2 lbs less than where things took a screeching halt the last time.

So...  This is new territory for me.  Being this weight represents so many things to me right now and some of them are scary.  For the first time in 15+ years of being together, I weigh less than my husband.  From my heaviest weight, I have lost 191 lbs.  9 lbs away from 200 lbs lost...  I am 35 lbs away from ONEDERLAND!  I'm almost in need of a size 18 pants.  All of these things and MORE make me excited and anxious about going further.

All of my concerns are in my head.  Mostly doubts...  Can I do this?  Can I be successful?  So much of my life can be chocked off to unfinished projects and half realized dreams.  I don't want this journey to be that way.  I have a goal.  Maybe it's too lofty.  Maybe it's not.  But I'll never know if I don't give it everything I have and at least go for it!

This next year coming up is representing a big change for our family.  In just about any circumstance, change is scary.  It's tough not knowing what to expect.  The only thing we can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best.  With that said...  Stress is a huge trigger for me to eat.  I will be battling this and I know and understand that this will be a daily struggle for me.  But I will remember that I do not need to stress over things that are beyond my control.  We will make it through and be better for it in the end!!!

2014 is going to be a GREAT year!!!!!

7 Months.... Not this time!

The last time I went through this whole weight loss journey, I got stuck in the 240's for 7 months!  I managed to break through and get into the 230's for about 2 seconds before climbing back up to the 350's.  Now...  here I am again in the 240's.  I've been here for 2 months already.  This morning's weight was 244.  I refuse to be stuck here for another 5 months.  But I can say that I know this won't be the case.  My weight loss might be slowing down, but I can say that it's not because I'm eating the wrong things this time.

 

Here is my latest photo comparison.  The first picture was taken Dec. 2006.  I remember this day so clearly.  This was the day that I thought I was having a heart attack when instead I was having a panic attack.  I went to urgent care and their scale said 425 lbs.  This was the moment that sparked the change.  I was 25 years old.  It makes me so sad for the girl I see in that picture.   7 years later at 245 in the second picture.  I still have such a long way to go, but I have come so far already.  I don't ever want to forget that girl...  but I know I don't ever want to be where she was ever again.

 Goals have been so important to me on this journey.  Not necessarily weight goals, but more accomplishments.  My most recent one I've been working on is to prepare for a 5k that we will be participating in this fall.  I'm up to 2 miles in 39 minutes before I feel like I'm going to keel over.  And that's pushing it.  So I'm trying not to push so hard and just keep at it.  I'll get there.  My goal is to finish the 5k in under an hour.  So if I can do that, then I'm good!  I can improve from there.  But that gives me something to work at.  

I'm debating on getting a personal trainer after the first of the year.  I'm not 100% on this yet.  The thought of it freaks me out.  But at the same time, I feel like I need someone telling me what to do so I can make the most of this body I have.  It will be tough not being able to see the results under the rolls and folds of skin, but at least I know it's under there and I'll see it one day when I have the extra bits removed.  And using a personal trainer will only help me get to that point faster.  So I'll be weighing the options.  It's in the budget... so we shall see!!!

Till next time!!!