ONEDERLAND!!!!!

 

On September 3rd, I got on the scale and finally saw 199!!  (sorry it took me a week to document this here...  after all, that's what this blog is all about!)

I'll be brutally honest...  I bawled like a baby.  Complete hysterics.  The whole kit and caboodle.  Ugly cry and all!  It was probably one of the most emotional moments of my life.  Monumental to say the least!

I know I could have gotten there if I hadn't had the skin removal surgery.  But having it done was 100% necessary and it was time.  Looking at my pictures from right before the surgery, I was convinced I was jumping the gun... truly.  I was entirely too fat to do this.  But the proof is in the pics!  Even a week out, still swollen...  Look at the body that was hidden beneath the rolls of excess skin!!!  I am just floored!  

My recovery is going beautifully.  At 15 days post circumferential abdominoplasty/lower body lift and spiral mastopexy/breast reconstruction, I went back to work.  Getting back to my normal self and moving forward with my life is getting easier and easier with each passing day.  I have minimal pain and haven't taken an RX pain med in probably a week.  My breasts are the only thing that bother me.  They are extremely sensitive.  It's not really painful, just annoying.

Out of curiosity, this morning I pulled up a BMI calculator.  I started out with a BMI of 78 when I was at my highest weight.  Putting me in the Super Super Morbidly Obese category.  Despite losing 226 lbs, I am still categorized as Obese with a BMI of 36.  Meh...  I don't hold much weight with the BMI charts.  In my book HEALTHY = HEALTHY.  It's not about a number on a scale.  But dropping 42 BMI points is just a phenomenal achievement!  Definitely one I am extremely proud of!

So onward to my next goal!!!  I'm waiting for clearance to start exercising again.  During the summer months, I always limit my activity because of the rashes I'd get in the folds of my skin.  But now the skin is gone...  the possibilities are ENDLESS!  

My husbands current contract with his gym will be up next month so I'm on the hunt for something that he and I can commit to do together.  He's been stuck at 260 for a while.  We do really well motivating each other.  So we need to get back to doing this together.  I'm 39 pounds away from my goal weight and he's about 60 away from his.  

This really is the home stretch!!!

  

8 Day Update - Little Things

Well now... I've made it just over a week out and I'm feeling great! I've spent all this time doing absolutely nothing and focusing my energy on healing and Netflix.  I must say that House of Cards is an excellent series. I managed to finish all 26 episodes in 3 days.

For the last 2 days I've been antsy - itching to get out of the house. I've been good and stayed put until now. The girls had cross country track practice this afternoon at the park behind our house.  So with the threat of inclement weather, I relished at the opportunity to get out - even if for just an hour to sit in the car with the A/C blaring in the parking lot.

It feels weird to sit behind the wheel of a car and feel too small for the seat. To be a good 6 inches alway from a steering wheel that used to graze me with every turn. To look down and see my thighs in all their "glory".

A good girdle is in order for those thighs. :)

But it is definitely the little things that have made this journey what it is. This is no different. At times it has been overwhelming to experience some of these small things that normal sized people take for granted on a daily basis. I'm thankful that because of this journey, I will take my gratitude with me and never overlook the opportunity for a small victory. It is these little triumphs that make each day worth living and every minute worth sharing with someone who may be struggling for motivation.

I feel such renewed vigor. It's refreshing. It's exciting. The next few weeks, months, years... what will they hold?

For now, I will focus on today.  And today is a great day!

It Is Done!!

On Monday, I had the skin removal surgery.  Today is Wednesday.  I had the luxury of showering off a bit and discarding of the bandages that was holding everything together.  When I finally got a good look in the mirror, I was extremely pleased with the results!  Completely exceeded my expectations!  He removed a total of 22 pounds of skin. That doesn't include what he removed with some lipo sculpting. The most uncomfortable part of this is probably having to maneuver around the drains coming out of each leg.  But it's workable.  Pain hasn't been too bad. I've stayed on top of taking the pain meds which make me feel weird. Although, I'm thankful for them!

Last night, I slept really good. I'm hoping for a repeat tonight.

I'm staying off the scale until after the drains come out in a week. I'm swollen all over. I'm pushing fluids and protein.  Just ready to get back to normal now. In the meantime, I'll just take it easy and rest.

It's Really Happening!

I can't believe it's almost time!  Surgeons office called me this morning to let me know what time to be there.  Surgery is scheduled for 7am!

Don't know what it was about that phone call but it's all so real now.  It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Tomorrow is my last day of work until September 16th.  Lots of loose ends to tie up.  Just have to remember to breathe!!!

5 Days!!!

Well, technically now we're at 4.5 since half the day is over.

Definitely still freaking out.  Anxiety is at an all time high and I'm wishing for a xanax IV right about now.  Thankfully, I've managed to stick with my healthy eating plan and I'm feeling less bloated and the water weight is pouring out...  Who knew blueberries were a natural diuretic?!?!  Holy moly! 

So I got my before pics all taken and cropped.  I need to blur out the naughty bits, but I'll post them with the afters probably sometime next week. 

I'll say one thing for sure...  all this waiting is for the birds.  I should have just scheduled this thing for the next day so it could have been done and over with.  I know all the anxiousness I feel can't be good for me.  Just the thought of it sends my stomach reeling and heart racing.  Why can't I just sleep through the next 4 weeks and be done with this!?!

Speaking of sleep...  I'm not doing that much lately.  Again, the anticipation of W.A.I.T.I.N.G keeps me from being able to relax and shut off my stupid brain. 

One kinda cool thing.  When I got home from work yesterday, I went to hang up my clothes and then thought "I doubt I'll be able to wear these again."  So this week, I'm paying tribute to all the clothes that will get their last wear.  Although there are not enough days between now and then to wear everything that won't fit.  So I'm just wearing my favorites one last time. 

Once I'm up for it after surgery, my closet will get a major overhaul.  When I'm done, I won't have any clothes left!!!

Now I've got to start saving up to replace my wardrobe.  Donations are being accepted.  =)

The COUNTDOWN is ON!!!

11 days until I go under the knife for skin removal and breast reconstruction!!!

Right now, I'm just taking each day as it comes.  And lately, they've been coming with a butt load of stress!  I have about 5 work days before I'm off for a few weeks to heal and the stack of work I need to finish is about as tall as I am.  Well, thankfully I'm short.  =)

I know as a result of the stress, I'm turning to carbs and other foods I know I need to stay away from.  So I'm committing myself to stick to protein, shakes, veggies, fruit, water, and vitamins for the next 11 days.  ESPECIALLY the shakes!!!  I have got to keep my protein up so I can ensure I heal well and QUICKLY!!!  Tentatively, I'm going back to work after 17 days...  as opposed to the original 22 days I was planning on taking off.  It's only the difference of 5 days, but I'm guessing a lot can change in 5 days.

This weekend, I'll have the hubs take my before pics so I can post them here.  In the meantime, I'm totally freaking out!  I'm excited, but extremely anxious about it all.  For some reason, I'm scared of looking worse than I do now.  Although I think anything would be an improvement to what I have right now.  It's just hard for me to imagine what I'm going to look like without all the skin around my abdomen and sagging boobs.  Honestly, I've always looked like this so I don't know any different.  The last time I had a semi-normal figure was when I was about 6 or 7 years old.  Somehow, I don't think I can compare the 33 year old body I have now to the body of a prepubescent child.

Did I mention I was freaking out!?!?!?!?

Moving on to Phase 2!!!

Its that time in the journey to move to the second phase and start removing some of this skin!  Weighing in at 219 lbs (total of 206 lb loss from my highest known weight), I wasn't sure if I was jumping the gun.  I figured a visit to the plastic surgeon's office would give me a better understanding.  After meeting with him, he feels that I am an excellent candidate for a circumferential abdominoplasty and he will also be doing a mastopexy to remove excess skin from my ribcage and breasts.

I'm already scheduled for August 25th!!!  Just over 4 weeks till surgery day!  I am definitely freaking out!  Every morning when I get ready for work, I look in the mirror and take inventory of what won't be there anymore.  I can't begin to tell you how life changing this will be! 

As far as my weight goals go, I still have a ways to go.  I know I'm not going to wake up and be at goal weight or look like a model.  I'm very realistic about my expectations.  I need my body to be functional.  With all this extra skin on my midsection, I am no where near as functional as I need or want to be! 

I won't lie...  This next step scares the mess out of me.  But I can't stress how necessary it is in order to keep moving forward in this journey.  I have such amazing people in my life supporting me.  After all is said and done, it will be totally worth it!

Surgical clearance is scheduled for 7/28 and my pre-op appointment is 7/31.  Next week will be a busy one for sure!!!

31 more days!!!!!

Non-Scale Victory of a LIFETIME!!!

For the girls birthdays, we got them tickets to the New Orleans Wizard World Comic Con. On Saturday, we spent the better part of our 10 hour adventure on our feet - walking and seeing everything there was to see at this amazing event! I was amazed by my FitBit's readout at the end of the night. Almost 17,000 steps and nearly 7 miles walked. I think about where I was 7 years ago when I started this journey... I even reread My Story and remembered how badly my back hurt just to stand at the sink to wash dishes. An outing like this was something that only existed in my wildest dreams. I never want MY weight to stand in the way of someone else's dreams and for a long time, my inability to do things like this has kept my girls isolated. That's so not fair to them. The memories they created on this trip will be ones that will last a lifetime... They got to meet Glen (Steven Yeun) from The Walking Dead and get a picture with him. They got to see Stan Lee and Dean Cain and Linda Hamilton and Zach Galligan! We sat in the audience for a taping of an episode of SyFy's The Heroes of Cosplay! Those are so few of the many awesome things we saw and did!!!

There is absolutely no way I could have done this 200 lbs ago. No way.... So this was something completely foreign to me. I've been big for so long, I tend to avoid social situations and crowds like the plague. I think I mentioned before that I deal with an insane amount of anxiety. But despite being sick (2 weeks now with a head cold and chest congestion), I did it. I didn’t allow my insecurities keep me from enjoying myself. I didn’t even think about how still being 100 lbs overweight would affect my joints or how much pain I might be in later. I didn’t once allow any of that to keep my girls from having the absolute best time possible.

We had a freaking blast! They are already planning to go again next year!!! Who knew living was gonna be so much fun!?!?!?

New Year Off to a GOOD Start!

December was tough, but we made it through.  January took some transitioning and some adjustments, but again... we made it through.  My current weight is 227 which has been holding steady for quite some time now.  I started exercising a few weeks ago and with no changes to my diet, I fluctuated up 6 lbs.  Then I got sick and quit exercising and I'm back down to 227.  Weird how that works.  As soon as I can get rid of this upper respiratory junk, I'll resume walking and hopefully preparing for my first 5k.  I committed to a 1/2 marathon for February 2015.  So I have a goal to work toward.

Trying to help hubby get back on track, I made some infused waters to help detox.  I can say the fat flush water with grapefruit, orange, mint, cucumber and green tea tastes like ass.  But there's another one that I found that isn't bad.  this one calls for:

Gallon Jug
4 tbsp lemon juice
4 tbsp diet cranberry juice
2 bags of dandelion tea (brewed)

Mix together in gallon jug and fill with water and refrigerate for 2 hours before drinking.  This is not meant to be a meal replacement. 

I will drink it out of a 24 oz cup.  2 cups of the detox water and I add another 1/2 cup or so of cranberry juice and fill the rest with ice.  Yesterday was my first day trying it out and I was peeing every hour and it definitely helped move things along with #2 as well.  Hubby didn't notice much of a difference, but he'd only had about 1/3 of what I'd had for the day since he was at work most of the day.  I figured I'll give it a week and see how things go.  I'm so close to my 200 lb lost mark.  I'd like to be there SOON!!!  2 more lbs to go!  And only 28 lbs to ONEderland!!!

Our road to healthy has taken a turn for the better.  Our little ones (9 and 10 year old girls) have decided to jump on the wagon with us.  Our almost 9 year old struggles with her weight and has gained 10 lbs since August, despite being active and staying away from junk food.  We have always been very open about nutrition and always talk about how our bodies process food for fuel.  Apparently something sunk in with her and after weighing in at 92 lbs 3 weeks ago, she decided she needed to make a change.  She and I have been working on her food choices and incorporating regular activity and she is down 2.5 lbs.  Because she is still young and growing, I don't want her to focus on losing weight...  I just want her to focus on not gaining.  She will grow into the weight that she is.  But I know how much of a boost it is to her self-esteem to see that her efforts are putting out some positive results!!  So if she loses weight in the process, then we will take every little success we can.


I've got some big goals for the year.  First is to get back to school.  Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll at least finish my Associates in Psychology.  Like I mentioned, I'm aiming for a 5k in a few months and a 1/2 marathon in about a year.  I'm hoping to make it to ONEderland by the end of the year.  I know losing this weight is not a race so I'm fine if it comes off slowly.  I will not sacrifice my health for a number on a scale. 

Well that's all I've got for now.  Hopefully I'll have my 200 lb lost update soon!!!  =)

Taking Things to a New Kind of Low...

I'm a few days shy of being 13 months out from my Duodenal Switch.  I have finally surpassed my lowest weight and lost ALL of the weight I'd regained.  My weight this morning...  234.  2 lbs less than where things took a screeching halt the last time.

So...  This is new territory for me.  Being this weight represents so many things to me right now and some of them are scary.  For the first time in 15+ years of being together, I weigh less than my husband.  From my heaviest weight, I have lost 191 lbs.  9 lbs away from 200 lbs lost...  I am 35 lbs away from ONEDERLAND!  I'm almost in need of a size 18 pants.  All of these things and MORE make me excited and anxious about going further.

All of my concerns are in my head.  Mostly doubts...  Can I do this?  Can I be successful?  So much of my life can be chocked off to unfinished projects and half realized dreams.  I don't want this journey to be that way.  I have a goal.  Maybe it's too lofty.  Maybe it's not.  But I'll never know if I don't give it everything I have and at least go for it!

This next year coming up is representing a big change for our family.  In just about any circumstance, change is scary.  It's tough not knowing what to expect.  The only thing we can do is plan for the worst and hope for the best.  With that said...  Stress is a huge trigger for me to eat.  I will be battling this and I know and understand that this will be a daily struggle for me.  But I will remember that I do not need to stress over things that are beyond my control.  We will make it through and be better for it in the end!!!

2014 is going to be a GREAT year!!!!!

7 Months.... Not this time!

The last time I went through this whole weight loss journey, I got stuck in the 240's for 7 months!  I managed to break through and get into the 230's for about 2 seconds before climbing back up to the 350's.  Now...  here I am again in the 240's.  I've been here for 2 months already.  This morning's weight was 244.  I refuse to be stuck here for another 5 months.  But I can say that I know this won't be the case.  My weight loss might be slowing down, but I can say that it's not because I'm eating the wrong things this time.

 

Here is my latest photo comparison.  The first picture was taken Dec. 2006.  I remember this day so clearly.  This was the day that I thought I was having a heart attack when instead I was having a panic attack.  I went to urgent care and their scale said 425 lbs.  This was the moment that sparked the change.  I was 25 years old.  It makes me so sad for the girl I see in that picture.   7 years later at 245 in the second picture.  I still have such a long way to go, but I have come so far already.  I don't ever want to forget that girl...  but I know I don't ever want to be where she was ever again.

 Goals have been so important to me on this journey.  Not necessarily weight goals, but more accomplishments.  My most recent one I've been working on is to prepare for a 5k that we will be participating in this fall.  I'm up to 2 miles in 39 minutes before I feel like I'm going to keel over.  And that's pushing it.  So I'm trying not to push so hard and just keep at it.  I'll get there.  My goal is to finish the 5k in under an hour.  So if I can do that, then I'm good!  I can improve from there.  But that gives me something to work at.  

I'm debating on getting a personal trainer after the first of the year.  I'm not 100% on this yet.  The thought of it freaks me out.  But at the same time, I feel like I need someone telling me what to do so I can make the most of this body I have.  It will be tough not being able to see the results under the rolls and folds of skin, but at least I know it's under there and I'll see it one day when I have the extra bits removed.  And using a personal trainer will only help me get to that point faster.  So I'll be weighing the options.  It's in the budget... so we shall see!!!

Till next time!!!

Slap my hand!!!

I can't believe I haven't updated since MAY!!! 

The first pic is from my highest of 425 lbs.  The infamous black skirt that I wore at that weight...  and my most recent pic at 250 lbs - taken on 7.29.13

Currently, I'm at 248 lbs.  Just got results from my hematologist and my iron levels are in completely normal ranges!  I will be going to see my primary care doctor in a few months to have a full panel of blood work done again to check my other levels and see if my other deficiencies are improving.

I anticipated being a slow loser since I wasn't a virgin DSer, but I am really pleased with how well I've done so far.  I'm learning every day what is best for this body and the DS makes it easy to keep making those good choices.  Best of all, I'm learning to not turn to food when I'm stressed.  The foods I used to run to for comfort cause me so much pain and agony, I'd rather just find a more constructive way to de-stress.  So I've spent most of my weekends crafting.  Pinterest is my new best friend (cough cough...  transferred addiction)!  LMAO!

The only demon I haven't managed to conquer is the lazy one...  Well, maybe not lazy...  Just a lack of motivation to MOVE!  And when I do, I'm not consistent.  I choose not to make it a priority.  And when I try to, I make excuses to justify why I just don't do it....  Too busy, too tired, too preoccupied, too hot...  Helping a kid with homework, gotta clean house, gotta do laundry, gotta shop, gotta cook...  In the back of my mind, I KNOW that exercise is just as important as taking my vitamins every day.  So why CAN I commit myself to taking my vitamins but I CAN'T manage to get off my ass and bounce for 5 minutes or take a walk around the neighborhood.  *Stupid slap*

From 425 to 248...  I don't have my weight holding me back anymore.  My excuses are getting lame... even to me! 

As a means to quit making excuses, I'm committing myself to a 1/2 marathon!  In February of 2015...  But to get started, I've got to work my way up.  I don't do 1 mile let alone 13!!!  To force me to start training, as a family, we are planning to participate in our first family 5k in November.  Couch to 5k here I come!!  Do they make a bed to 5k?  Or a floor to 5k?  I'll get there...  but I have to start somewhere.  And the road to somewhere starts with the first step. 

=)

I am Iron Woman!

It's been a while since I've updated.  Everything has been going really well!  I'm learning so much about my new life after the Duodenal Switch.  I went at the end of April to do my 6 month labs and got my results back a few weeks later.  My heart goes out to the nurse that called me to discuss my results...  LOL!

I told her not to stress over what it said and to just send me the results.  Just what I always wanted to do...  Learn how to interpret a comprehensive lab report.  No, really...  Who knew learning about what does what or which ones work together to do what would be exciting and fun!!!  What a learning experience!

So...  I've got some deficiencies.  But thankfully, they are old deficiencies that are actually getting better since the DS.  The only real issue that needed to be addressed was my Iron levels.  I have IDA (Iron Deficient Anemia).  The best course of treatment for this is an iron infusion... get my Iron Woman pic now ô¿~

I'm scheduled for my first of 2 infusions next Thursday.  The second will be 1 week later and in 3 months, we'll do another set of labs and see how much improvement we have made.

I need to say that I am really proud of how far I've come. For the first time in forever, I feel in control of my life and my body. When I had the sleeve, I was young and naive and I thought I was invincible. I neglected to retain what I learned or to be proactive about maintaining my health. I thought just losing weight would solve all of my problems. But I have come to realize that this process is psychological, physical, and physiological... the trifecta of P's. I'm getting it this time. I'm learning and retaining. I'm being an active and productive participator in my own health instead of just expecting it to happen on its own. 

Being that I was never a vitamin taker before this surgery...  I had my doubts that I would be able to live up to such a huge commitment.  Even my own husband had his doubts!  I must admit that I have been scared straight.  I truly understand the implications of not taking care of myself.  I'm trying to play catch-up from years of neglecting myself and my body.  But knowing that I am making progress is such a big thing to me.  Looking at my spreadsheet with my lab results and seeing the good work I've done...  It's awesome.  I will not only be healthy physically, but at a cellular level as well.  Isn't that what we should be striving for?  Not just to lose weight and look good in a bikini (not that I'd ever be seen in public in a bikini) ...  but to truly be HEALTHY!

At 7 1/2 months out, my weight is at 260.  93 lbs down.  I'm only 24 lbs away from my all time lowest weight.  It's exciting and scary at the same time.  For the first time ever, I feel like reaching my "onederland" goal is finally attainable.  

Only time will tell.

Until next time...  =)

 

I MADE IT...

...  Relatively unscathed...  I must say about 90% of my choices were right on track.  The other 10%...  not so much.  But I tried to plan for them and move this body more to accommodate for extra calories or carbs.  Must have done something right since I'm down to 270.  83 lbs lost and today I officially make 6 months out! 

I definitely recognize the importance of preparation now.  We ate out entirely too much.  At least once a day.  But that's ok...  This week, I've purged the house of anything that was left over and did my protein re-stock grocery run.  One thing I've learned is that forcing more gluten filled foods does not make me less intolerant.  *insert stupid slap here*

Here it is almost the middle of April and swimsuit season is upon us.  I feel fairly certain that I will again be sitting this one out.  All this extra skin definitely causes issues that I really don't want people to see.  I keep wishing for some weird solution like that Simpson's episode when Homer loses all his weight.  LOL!

But alas...  in the meantime, I'm stuck with rolls and folds of skin.  I dream of the day when I'm thin enough to have it all lopped off, tucked, and tightened so I can see the svelte body that is hiding underneath. 

I must admit after the making a few bad choices over the last 2 weeks, I have a greater appreciation for the DS.  Normally any small amount of wiggle room in my diet would throw me off the wagon so badly, I'd struggle to climb back on.  But not this time.  For the first time ever...  I actually looked forward to getting back to "MY" normal and sticking with protein, veggies, water, and vitamins.  The dieting hiatus made me aware of what those bad foods can do to my body and I certainly didn't like feeling the remnants it all of in my joints.  Ouch...

But back on track since Sunday has resulted in a 4 lb loss in 4 days.  Guess I can't argue with results.

Gonna keep on going and see where this road takes me next!!!

Temptation Anticipation

Tomorrow makes week 23 post my Duodenal Switch addition.  I am officially down 75 lbs since being switched and that makes a total loss of 147 lbs from my highest!  It's amazing to think that I've lost an entire person already...  And I still have another one to lose.  I'll get there, though.

We have family coming in town for a visit tomorrow and I have a feeling that it's going to be tough to stay on track...  Coming up with a plan of action is one thing, but sticking to it is something entirely different.  So...  here's my solution. 

  

I will use our favorite "Zombie Apocalypse" as an analogy.  Mainstream media has been able to capitalize on humanities fear of a potential zombie apocalypse for decades...  What if I told you it's already here?  *bum bum bum* (insert menacing music)

The source of infection...  SUGAR. 

Here's my rationale.  Sugar makes us mindless, empty shells of people.   The insulin roller-coaster that sugar causes leaves us volatile - our only mission; searching for and consuming more sugar.  The cycle repeats and is never ending.  Before we know it, we are fat, miserable, lethargic, depressed, and a slave to the effects that sugar has on us.  

I refuse to be a zombie!!

So...  With that being said...  I may need to set some boundaries for myself as well as for my company.  There are certain foods that I will have to not allow in my house and I have to be firm and not make any excuses or exceptions.  No matter my mood, financial status, stressors, event, celebration...  Whatever the excuse may be...  I will not use food as a means to cope. 

I am in control over how I choose to fuel my body.  Either I choose foods that will sustain me and encourage my weight loss.  Or I choose foods that will make me a zombie.  

Which will you choose?  ô¿~

Musings and Headgames!

So from this time last week, I am up 5 lbs.  Gives me a headache just thinking about what I did and what I could have done better.  I know my problem...  carbs.  That's always been my problem.  And of course I'm in denial about eating them.  If I don't log them, then they weren't consumed.  Mwhahahaha  (my attempt at an evil laugh). 

So today...  It's back to basics.  Greek yogurt, water, cheese, water, roast beef, water, protein, water, protein, water, protein...  Toss in about 40 vitamins and some more water and I think I'll call it a day.  =)

Yesterday made 5 months since I was Switched.  72 lbs down is a good achievement, but of course I'd rather it have been 172...  What is this need for instant gratification?!?!?  Geez!  I didn't gain it overnight...  But when I've still got to lose another 140ish lbs...  I'm going to stop that thought.  Why is 72 lbs in 5 months not good enough?  Cheese and Crackers, people!  I lost the equivalent of my 9 year old plus the dog! 

My 32nd B-day is in 2 days and I'm wishing I'd get out of the 280's.  Last week I was so close making it to 281.  And then mother nature took over and made me retain everything under the sun and I floated back up to 286 this morning.  March is always the hardest month for me when I'm trying to lose weight.  My youngest daughter's b-day is the week before mine and through lots of celebration of her 8th birthday, I managed to eat 3 cupcakes...  So much better than my baker's dozen...  But 3 cupcakes is not going to get me to my goal.   Birthday or not...  I need to quit making excuses and exceptions and keep my eye on the prize!  I want this weight off my body a hell of a lot more than I want sugary, sweet, gooey icing and moist, melt-in-your-mouth cake...  Damn...  my mouth is watering now.  =(

So I'm going to remember where I came from and remind myself I'm never going back.  I've gotten too close to being there again and I'm on the right track and I want to stay there.  I see where I'm falling short and I will act to correct it now.  I will not give into the carbs and I will make my body move more.  I will stop stressing on what number I see on the scale and start focusing on the changes in the size of my clothes and the differences I see when I look at my before and current pics. 

I swear I'm not trying to be a photo whore, but I can't see it otherwise.  LOL!

 PS...  I need a scale like this.  And possibly those socks.  =)

Weight Loss Surgery Journey in Pictures

Yesterday I made 20 weeks out.  Current weight is 282!  I'm officially half way to my goal weight from my all time highest!

One day at a time!!!

Almost 19 Week Out!

In 2 days, I'll be 19 weeks post-op from my revision to the Duodenal Switch.  So far, I've lost 67 lb's!  My current weight is 286.  This revision process has been such a huge adjustment in thinking.  My whole idea of nutrition and dieting has been turned upside down!  Fats are good with the DS, but not with the sleeve.  I went from everything in my life being low fat/no fat to regular, full fat foods.  This benefits me in lots of ways.  Processed foods are really bad for our bodies.  Low fat/no fat foods are very processed and additional additives are included in these foods to make them taste better.  Full fat foods are less processed.  For a normal person, foods high in fat can cause coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol...  but for DSer's, we don't absorb the fat.  Well we don't absorb about 70-80% of the fat that we ingest.  Your body can't hold on to what it doesn't absorb...  But for healthy brain function and other systems, our bodies need about 30g's of fat a day.  So in order to reach this 30g's, the DSer's diet needs to be higher in fat.  I must say that the inclusion of these foods certainly make "dieting" much more bearable!!

Can we say, pass the bacon???  =)

So I'm not big on full body shots, but I'm struggling with seeing the difference.  Always struggle with this...  So in April 2012, I took a pic of myself in the ladies restroom at the reception for my sister's wedding.  My weight at that time was around 340 (got up to 353 before being switched).  And over the weekend, I had my almost 8 year old snap a for me after we got home from making a Sam's run.

I didn't really realize how different I looked until I saw the pics put together...  The difference is AMAZING after only 4 months!!!  At 353, I was in a 26/28 top and a tight 28 bottom.  Now at 286, I'm in a 18/20 top and 22/24 bottom.  I'm excited and anxious to see what this year will bring.  I still struggle with picturing myself at my goal weight or even getting below my lowest weight; 236.  I'm 50 lbs away from there now...  and still 140 away from my goal weight...  I will get there, though...  Eventually!

In the meantime, I'm going to keep working and everyday I will be making progress!!!

Time for an Update!!!

Yesterday I made 8 weeks post-op after being switched.  I have lost 43 pounds since I started the 2 week pre-op liquid diet!!!  And 115 pounds down from my all time highest weight!!!  So far, everything has been good.  As the weight comes off again, I am starting to have more energy.  My coworkers are noticing which makes me feel good because I certainly don't see it!!!  My clothes fit better which is fantastic!  I did not want to have to start ordering from catalogs again...

My eating has been good.  During researching the DS, I found that it was very common for DSers to become gluten intollerant.  So since my revision, I've avoided anything containing gluten.  Until this week!  My husband had a christmas party and I baked 200 cookies for the party.  I had 2 small cookies and a tablespoon full of the dough.  4 days later and I'm still feeling the effects!  Definitely no gluten for me!!!  That is probably the best thing that has ever happened, though.  Bread (and bread products... cake, cookies, etc...) is my kryptonite!!!  Last night we took the girls out for ice cream...  no problems passing that up.  Makes me sick as a dog!  Lesson learned a long time ago.  But the cookie was a new lesson.  Not testing that theory out again!!!  Lesson definitely learn there now too!  lol!

My husband wants me to set some goals.  He wants me to anticipate what weight I will be when...  I did this after being sleeved and only discouraged myself when I never made those goals.  So I'm torn.  I love the idea of having something to work toward.  But I know my body doesn't respond to the work I put into it like it does for other people... at least it doesn't respond the way I want it to on the scale.  I think if I keep doing everything right, the weight will come off when it comes off.  Of course I want it to all come off now, but that's not realistic... =)

So weight....  This morning I was 310 lbs.  I do have a goal of being under 300 by the beginning of the year.  I'd like to start 2013 off back in the 200's.  I'm not far from it and I've got 25 days to do it...  I'm fairly sure it'll be doable.  Just no more slip-ups and christmas dinner will have to be straight protein.  No more snacking on Aunt Annie's pretzels in the mall while I'm shopping.  And even though I'm busy and out and about every night of the week...  that's no excuse to indulge on fast food every night...  even though you think you are making good choices...  it's fast food...  nothing is good about it.  =)

I hope everyone stays on track and enjoys their holidays!!!  I'll update again soon!!!

Pins and Needles!!!

 4 more days!!!  I'm nervous and excited!  Liquid diet has gone much better since I switched to a different protein powder.  Yesterday was the first day I actually felt a little hungry.  But it's been manageable.  My pre-op weigh-in was at 353 pounds.  So far, I am down 17 pounds!  I'm hoping to be down 20 by the time of surgery.  Almost there!!!  

Another DSer posted this picture in a forum to be able to describe the DS.  I've been looking at anatomical pictures online trying to picture exactly what they are going to do during the revision.  But when I saw this, it made soooo much more sense.  Just had to share it here. 

There are so many things I am trying not to get my hopes up for.  When I was sleeved 5 years ago, I dreamed and dreamed big.  Only to feel like I let myself down in the end.  I am trying to rein it in and be realistic.  I would love to just be under 200 pounds.  That is probably more realistic than my dream goal of 140.  But I don't think it's too terribly unrealistic with the DS if I truly am committed to the process and the sacrifices I know I need to make for it to happen.  Carbs are going to be another causality of this war.  Thanks to the 2 week liquid diet and keeping my carbs under 50g's, I'm not feeling the demon so much anymore.  I'm craving veggies and meat which is fantastic!  I'd kill for a steak with a big salad on the side right about now.  

I wonder where I will be one year from now.  What will be my rate of loss?  I believe with the sleeve, I averaged about 10 pounds lost a month for the first year.  If that's the case, I should be around 215 by my 1 year mark.  Lower than the lowest I fought to get to with the sleeve.  My lowest weight ever was 236.  Wouldn't that just be amazing...  Maybe even hitting ONEDERLAND by Christmas!!!  OMG!  

But here I go getting my hopes up again.  Realistically, I should expect 1/2 the rate since I've already been sleeved and the massive restriction full DSer's receive is what jump starts that enormous weight loss like it did for me when I was first sleeved.  So I will take what help I can get from the surgery and do what I can to make up the difference.  This would be my food choices to fuel my body and exercising to burn the calories I'm taking in and then some so I can consistently lose weight.  

I can do this...  This is the most hopeful I have felt in years.  It's an awesome feeling to have hope again.