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Thursday, February 17, 2011

A Cookie???!!!???

I know it's been a while since my last post.  I am rockin this no carb thing.  I have been tempted and lately I've been wanting to cave, but I've stuck with it.  For all the sacrifices I've made, I am up 2 pounds as of this morning.  That's right.  I weighed 294 this morning.  I blamed the gain on my period that just ended a few days ago.  I've been retaining water like there's gonna be a drought.  I know stress plays a big part in my fluctuations too.  Work is stressing me out, but each day gets a little better. 

We have a board meeting tomorrow and I went down to Subway to order a sandwich platter for the meeting.  The lady behind the counter is from India and as a "Thank You" for the order, she gives me a cookie.  Not just any cookie, but a WHITE CHOCOLATE CHIP MACADAMIA NUT cookie.  Had to be my favorite, right? 

I haven't touched it yet.  But it's sitting on my desk staring at me.  Whispering sweet nothings...  LOL!

It's been 48 days.  I can't tell you how bad I want pizza right now.  Eating is becoming depressing.  Nothing tastes good anymore.  I have no cravings (unless it's for something bad).  Everything tastes wrong and all of the options I know I can eat sound nasty.  I know this is my addiction trying to find a weak spot in my wall of sobriety. 

I think it might have something to do with my birthday coming up.  In less than a month, I will be 30.  I want to celebrate, but how do I do that without food, cake, and ice cream?  Should I allow myself a small indulgence?  I don't know if I'm strong enough.  In 48 days, I have only lost 14 pounds as of right now.  I am now behind schedule for my year end goal. 

I do not want to play into this defeated mentality.  Even if I don't lose the weight, I know that I am doing this for my health (mental, physical, and emotional).  This is just something I need to do and that is what I have to remember.

I plan to pawn the cookie off to the first person who stops by my office.  In the meantime, it will sit there - tortured - because I REFUSE to eat it.  = ) 
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4 comments:

  1. adorkblFebruary 17, 2011 at 8:44 AM

    Throw it away!! Don't eat it. Be strong. I caved to some GS cookies this weekend and didn't lose anything. Not worth it!! BTW.. my favorite cooking too... so I know how hard it will be to toss.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AlmostGastricBypassFebruary 20, 2011 at 4:02 PM

    Read the blog.. Ready for a change..Come on over to the darkside...Visit...

    ReplyDelete
  3. DeeFebruary 25, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    You are doing great! I'd just throw that cookie in the trash. I had a doughnut the other day, it looked divine. I took 1 bite and threw the rest in the trash. I have a bite of whatever I crave here and there unless it is a trigger food for me (Like pizza, I eat too much of it). --Southernsleever

    ReplyDelete
  4. MyveryactivecoachMarch 20, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    Crumble it up then trash it. I always destroy the food and dumb it out of the wrapper, then I put it in the trash! That way I know I want try and get it.

    ReplyDelete

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