New Year... New Efforts!

Back at it yet again!!!

I have to say, no matter how many times I try, at least I'm still trying!  LOL!  One day I'll get it right and make it to goal.  In the meantime, I'm just going to keep at it!

I am a stress eater and needless to say, I have been under an extreme amount of stress over the last year or so.  So...  I'm FINALLY in therapy to help me deal and learn new coping methods (rather than turning to food for comfort).  I'm limiting carbs again and sticking to Atkins (although I need to tweak this a bit more). 

AND I'm working really hard to incorporate exercise.  I've been on the spin bike for the last week and I'm LOVING it again!!!  I forgot how much I missed it!

So, with new resolve and a pinch of motivation, I'm at it again. 

Bipolar dieter? Probably...

I never understood how I can be so on one minute and so off the next.  Why is it so hard to stay motivated and keep with this? 

We are back at it again.  This time it's the "17 Day Diet" by Dr. Mike Moreno.  It's a practical approach to healthy eating, not just dieting.  We are on day 7 and I've had a much easier time sticking with this than with traditional diets. 

I am so burnt out on dieting.  I just want to be able to eat the right things, exercise, and be healthy.  I don't want to be tempted to eating the wrong things all the time and when I do have something I'm not supposed to have, I want to be able to control myself. 

This morning was a struggle.  The scale has been fluctuating the last 2 days and when the scale wants to go up, I want to give up.  But I had to remind myself that there is a reason for this.  My body is rebelling like it always does.  This was expected and there is not reason to give into it.  I'm thinking I might need to go to weighing every other day instead of every day.  Although, I know that when I do not weigh, I'm doing bad.  I need to make sure that if I don't weigh, that does not equate to me having an off eating day. 

I have a reason for my madness right now.  My sister...  finally...  is getting married!  She's asked me to be her matron of honor.  This means bridesmaid dress shopping...

Of course this is nothing close to what she wants...  But most bridesmaid dresses are totally strapless and plus sized women just do not look good in strapless dresses!!!  Dresses are also getting shorter too.  I'm not a big fan of my legs...  So I thought something long would better suit my body style.  I've been in a wedding before where I had a different dress than the other people and it made me feel more self conscious than just being overweight...

So I think I found a happy medium.  This one has thick straps and it's tea-length...  BUT the model is skinny!!!  How would I look in this dress???  Right now, I'm fairly sure I'd look like sh!t...  LOL!  But I've got until April 14th of next year to get in control of things. 

I am so scared of looking bad in this dress (or any dress!).  I know what works.  I just need to do it!  We are talking about getting back into the gym.  I was losing inches like crazy when I was taking spin classes regularly, but I didn't lose much weight. 

I've got to figure this out.  I'm so done with the dieting games...  I can do this!

How in the WORLD!?!?!?!?

When I was doing the "no intentional carb" thing at the beginning of the year, it took me 48 days to lose 18 pounds and then I was constantly fluctuating up and down 4 pounds those last 3 weeks.  I have fully committed myself to the Ideal Protein diet for the last 6 days and I am so super excited to report that I have lost 14 pounds in 6 DAYS!  NOT 48 DAYS, BUT 6!!!!!

So I think I found something that has helped me get through those moments when I want to eat something that is not on my plan.  Cheese is something that is a major weakness in me.  I've got a large block of sharp cheddar that I bought right before we started this and I haven't even been able to have a slice.  Every time I open the fridge, I want to reach in and cut off a little piece.  But then I stop and think...  Given all of the indulgences I've allowed myself my ENTIRE life, I've probably got some cheese still in me that I'm burning off right now because I'm choosing not to eat it.  LOL! 

It's a mental thing...  For me it is the mental images I can create to help deter me from being overwhelmed with the extreme denial of certain foods that I love so much.  Hey...  whatever works, right?

I have to say that I feel really good.  I'm sipping on a 100 calorie peach mango shake with a packet of fruit punch crystal light mixed in.  This is my breakfast today and I'm good with it.  The hunger pangs dissipated much quicker than they did last time and when I haven't eaten in a while, I don't feel like I'm gonna die like I did the week before.  The lack of carbs has leveled off my blood sugar really quickly and I'm sure my husband was happy that it happened relatively fast.  I can be a real bitch when my blood sugar levels are out of wack.  LOL!

So, back on track...  I still want to reach my goal of Onderland by the end of the year.  Since I decided to take a 3 month hiatus, my new goal is a loss of 3 pounds a week between now and then.  Considering I just lost 14 pounds in the last 6 days, I'm hoping that 3 pounds a week won't be too tough.

I am still determined to do this...  More now than ever, I think.

Starting Fresh... AGAIN.........

After 40 something days of being carb-free, I fell off...  BAD!  But I'm back on track now.  And best of all, Brandon is getting on the wagon with me.  We are doing the Ideal Protein plan.

 This plan is similar to what our bariatric surgeons put us on, but with more structure and guidance.  I was blessed to have an overweight nutritionist who just told me what to eat and what not to eat and that visit lasted all of about 15 minutes.  Sure, they suggested a few different brands of protein supplements, but honestly all of them tasted like ass.  I've struggled ever since with finding the right guidance and the best foods for my body.  Being insulin resistant, if I want to lose weight, I need really low carb.  But trying to find low carb products that are quick and easy is soooooo hard. 

I got so burned out on veggies and protein.  I mean, what other options did I have.  Everything else just has too many carbs...

My husband's little sister works for an orthopedist who just started a side business endorsing this product for weight loss.  It is not a quick fix.  It is quality protein supplements that are specially designed to be low carb, low calorie, yet tastes good, and is easily absorbed. 

Today makes day 1.  I've clocked about 800 calories and I'm feeling pretty good.  They have a pretty strict vitamin and mineral supplement schedule too which is really needed.  I suck at remembering to take vitamins. 

I know I said I was done wasting time, but I guess I was wrong.  I wasted another 3 months making poor choices and gaining back what it took me so long to lose. 

I'm not going to beat myself up.  I'm just going to do better.  Like Yoda always says:

A Cookie???!!!???

I know it's been a while since my last post.  I am rockin this no carb thing.  I have been tempted and lately I've been wanting to cave, but I've stuck with it.  For all the sacrifices I've made, I am up 2 pounds as of this morning.  That's right.  I weighed 294 this morning.  I blamed the gain on my period that just ended a few days ago.  I've been retaining water like there's gonna be a drought.  I know stress plays a big part in my fluctuations too.  Work is stressing me out, but each day gets a little better. 

We have a board meeting tomorrow and I went down to Subway to order a sandwich platter for the meeting.  The lady behind the counter is from India and as a "Thank You" for the order, she gives me a cookie.  Not just any cookie, but a WHITE CHOCOLATE CHIP MACADAMIA NUT cookie.  Had to be my favorite, right? 

I haven't touched it yet.  But it's sitting on my desk staring at me.  Whispering sweet nothings...  LOL!

It's been 48 days.  I can't tell you how bad I want pizza right now.  Eating is becoming depressing.  Nothing tastes good anymore.  I have no cravings (unless it's for something bad).  Everything tastes wrong and all of the options I know I can eat sound nasty.  I know this is my addiction trying to find a weak spot in my wall of sobriety. 

I think it might have something to do with my birthday coming up.  In less than a month, I will be 30.  I want to celebrate, but how do I do that without food, cake, and ice cream?  Should I allow myself a small indulgence?  I don't know if I'm strong enough.  In 48 days, I have only lost 14 pounds as of right now.  I am now behind schedule for my year end goal. 

I do not want to play into this defeated mentality.  Even if I don't lose the weight, I know that I am doing this for my health (mental, physical, and emotional).  This is just something I need to do and that is what I have to remember.

I plan to pawn the cookie off to the first person who stops by my office.  In the meantime, it will sit there - tortured - because I REFUSE to eat it.  = ) 

DONUTS!!!!!!

Wrapping up January with a bang...  I had my first food dream last night and yup...  you guessed it...  It was about donuts.  They were just laying there.  I was hungry and it was time for breakfast and before I realized what I was doing, I had eaten the whole box.  I turn around and realize my husband had been standing behind me the whole time.  I asked him why he didn't stop me.  He told me that it looked like I was enjoying them...

Well of course I was enjoying them!!!  THEY ARE DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, I woke up from that nightmare and realized I had not gorged on donuts.  Not eating those intentional carbs is starting to feel like second nature again.  I am constantly surrounded by temptations.  This morning it was the girls eating cinnamon toast crunch.  I wanted a bite so bad, but then I realized I really didn't. 

I picked up some grapefruit at the store last night.  They looked so good, I had one for dinner last night.  I know I will have to limit them because they are very high in carbs.   25g's per serving, but about 4g's are fiber.  That's still more than I'd really like to take in, but it's fruit and not a candy bar.  We are in the midst of flu, cold, sinus, sick season and this sucker has 120% of my daily value of vitamin C...  Look Ms. Shell...  I took my vitamin today.  LOL!

Still sitting at 295.  But I really do feel like my clothes are feeling a bit looser.  I know I would feel loads better if I could get to the gym and get back into a routine.  My motivation lacks there.  I think deep down I'm scared to start exercising.  In the past, I get fiercely hungry after exercising.  Even if I opt for something healthy, the influx of extra calories keep me from losing.  I know I can't finish this journey without exercising.  I just wish it wouldn't make me so hungry when I did.  I have tried every trick in the book. 

Maybe someone out there has another suggestion I haven't tried yet.  I've tried eating a high protein meal before, after, and during my workout (drinking a protein shake instead of water while at the gym).  I literally become a bottomless pit when I leave the gym.  I've tried putting off eating as long as possible after workout and that is no better. 

I'll figure it out...  I'm just hoping it's sooner rather than later.  = )

Failure is always an option, but it should never define who we are...

Coming up on the end of week 4 and somehow I managed to gain 4 pounds this week.  That's right...  I was 299.2 this morning.  And NO I have not eaten any intentional carbs...  I have stuck with my guns 100% with no slips.  I have actually found it easier to turn away temptations at this point.  I have gone 28 days with no carbs and I really do not want to have to start over again at one.

I must admit that some of my pants are feeling a bit looser, though.  I'm wearing a pair of dress pants today that at the beginning of the month felt like they were cutting off the circulation to the top half of my body.  No problems getting them on today...  EVEN after they had been washed and dried!!

I'm blaming the gain on stress...  This has been an UBER-stressful week for me.  This week I have not made the best choices in salad dressing either.  Damn Thousand Island!!!!!!!!!!  I guess it was a better choice than the pizza we had at Chuck E. Cheese's, though. 

Wednesday was our oldest daughter's 7th birthday.  This is the second time I have managed to resist the evil temptation of birthday cake this month.  I think I'm safe for February...  But March is a different story.  My 30th birthday is in March...  I would love to find an awesome alternative to birthday cake that still feels birthday-ee...  If you catch my drift.

I'm a little bummed with the setback this week, but I'm not letting myself get discouraged.  I've done great so far this month and little setbacks are bound to happen.  I'm thinking this weekend, I'm going to devote myself to protein shakes for breakfast and dinner and focus on getting lots of water.

My water intake seems to have alluded me this week.  I've been a major slacker there.  For me, this is extremely out of character.  I can easily drink a gallon of water a day and I think I'm barely getting 40 oz's.

Stating my goals here seem to help me quite a bit...  So I'm taking full advantage.  I want to feel like I'm floating by the end of each day next week.  WATER, WATER, WATER!!!!!!!!!!!  No more Thousand Island dressing!  Replace one meal with my protein shake...  either breakfast or dinner...  NO more skipping meals either (big problem this week).  Find better snacks...  Cheese is a sometimes food...  = )

That's all for today, folks!