ONEDERLAND!!!!!

 

On September 3rd, I got on the scale and finally saw 199!!  (sorry it took me a week to document this here...  after all, that's what this blog is all about!)

I'll be brutally honest...  I bawled like a baby.  Complete hysterics.  The whole kit and caboodle.  Ugly cry and all!  It was probably one of the most emotional moments of my life.  Monumental to say the least!

I know I could have gotten there if I hadn't had the skin removal surgery.  But having it done was 100% necessary and it was time.  Looking at my pictures from right before the surgery, I was convinced I was jumping the gun... truly.  I was entirely too fat to do this.  But the proof is in the pics!  Even a week out, still swollen...  Look at the body that was hidden beneath the rolls of excess skin!!!  I am just floored!  

My recovery is going beautifully.  At 15 days post circumferential abdominoplasty/lower body lift and spiral mastopexy/breast reconstruction, I went back to work.  Getting back to my normal self and moving forward with my life is getting easier and easier with each passing day.  I have minimal pain and haven't taken an RX pain med in probably a week.  My breasts are the only thing that bother me.  They are extremely sensitive.  It's not really painful, just annoying.

Out of curiosity, this morning I pulled up a BMI calculator.  I started out with a BMI of 78 when I was at my highest weight.  Putting me in the Super Super Morbidly Obese category.  Despite losing 226 lbs, I am still categorized as Obese with a BMI of 36.  Meh...  I don't hold much weight with the BMI charts.  In my book HEALTHY = HEALTHY.  It's not about a number on a scale.  But dropping 42 BMI points is just a phenomenal achievement!  Definitely one I am extremely proud of!

So onward to my next goal!!!  I'm waiting for clearance to start exercising again.  During the summer months, I always limit my activity because of the rashes I'd get in the folds of my skin.  But now the skin is gone...  the possibilities are ENDLESS!  

My husbands current contract with his gym will be up next month so I'm on the hunt for something that he and I can commit to do together.  He's been stuck at 260 for a while.  We do really well motivating each other.  So we need to get back to doing this together.  I'm 39 pounds away from my goal weight and he's about 60 away from his.  

This really is the home stretch!!!

  

8 Day Update - Little Things

Well now... I've made it just over a week out and I'm feeling great! I've spent all this time doing absolutely nothing and focusing my energy on healing and Netflix.  I must say that House of Cards is an excellent series. I managed to finish all 26 episodes in 3 days.

For the last 2 days I've been antsy - itching to get out of the house. I've been good and stayed put until now. The girls had cross country track practice this afternoon at the park behind our house.  So with the threat of inclement weather, I relished at the opportunity to get out - even if for just an hour to sit in the car with the A/C blaring in the parking lot.

It feels weird to sit behind the wheel of a car and feel too small for the seat. To be a good 6 inches alway from a steering wheel that used to graze me with every turn. To look down and see my thighs in all their "glory".

A good girdle is in order for those thighs. :)

But it is definitely the little things that have made this journey what it is. This is no different. At times it has been overwhelming to experience some of these small things that normal sized people take for granted on a daily basis. I'm thankful that because of this journey, I will take my gratitude with me and never overlook the opportunity for a small victory. It is these little triumphs that make each day worth living and every minute worth sharing with someone who may be struggling for motivation.

I feel such renewed vigor. It's refreshing. It's exciting. The next few weeks, months, years... what will they hold?

For now, I will focus on today.  And today is a great day!

It Is Done!!

On Monday, I had the skin removal surgery.  Today is Wednesday.  I had the luxury of showering off a bit and discarding of the bandages that was holding everything together.  When I finally got a good look in the mirror, I was extremely pleased with the results!  Completely exceeded my expectations!  He removed a total of 22 pounds of skin. That doesn't include what he removed with some lipo sculpting. The most uncomfortable part of this is probably having to maneuver around the drains coming out of each leg.  But it's workable.  Pain hasn't been too bad. I've stayed on top of taking the pain meds which make me feel weird. Although, I'm thankful for them!

Last night, I slept really good. I'm hoping for a repeat tonight.

I'm staying off the scale until after the drains come out in a week. I'm swollen all over. I'm pushing fluids and protein.  Just ready to get back to normal now. In the meantime, I'll just take it easy and rest.

It's Really Happening!

I can't believe it's almost time!  Surgeons office called me this morning to let me know what time to be there.  Surgery is scheduled for 7am!

Don't know what it was about that phone call but it's all so real now.  It hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Tomorrow is my last day of work until September 16th.  Lots of loose ends to tie up.  Just have to remember to breathe!!!

5 Days!!!

Well, technically now we're at 4.5 since half the day is over.

Definitely still freaking out.  Anxiety is at an all time high and I'm wishing for a xanax IV right about now.  Thankfully, I've managed to stick with my healthy eating plan and I'm feeling less bloated and the water weight is pouring out...  Who knew blueberries were a natural diuretic?!?!  Holy moly! 

So I got my before pics all taken and cropped.  I need to blur out the naughty bits, but I'll post them with the afters probably sometime next week. 

I'll say one thing for sure...  all this waiting is for the birds.  I should have just scheduled this thing for the next day so it could have been done and over with.  I know all the anxiousness I feel can't be good for me.  Just the thought of it sends my stomach reeling and heart racing.  Why can't I just sleep through the next 4 weeks and be done with this!?!

Speaking of sleep...  I'm not doing that much lately.  Again, the anticipation of W.A.I.T.I.N.G keeps me from being able to relax and shut off my stupid brain. 

One kinda cool thing.  When I got home from work yesterday, I went to hang up my clothes and then thought "I doubt I'll be able to wear these again."  So this week, I'm paying tribute to all the clothes that will get their last wear.  Although there are not enough days between now and then to wear everything that won't fit.  So I'm just wearing my favorites one last time. 

Once I'm up for it after surgery, my closet will get a major overhaul.  When I'm done, I won't have any clothes left!!!

Now I've got to start saving up to replace my wardrobe.  Donations are being accepted.  =)

The COUNTDOWN is ON!!!

11 days until I go under the knife for skin removal and breast reconstruction!!!

Right now, I'm just taking each day as it comes.  And lately, they've been coming with a butt load of stress!  I have about 5 work days before I'm off for a few weeks to heal and the stack of work I need to finish is about as tall as I am.  Well, thankfully I'm short.  =)

I know as a result of the stress, I'm turning to carbs and other foods I know I need to stay away from.  So I'm committing myself to stick to protein, shakes, veggies, fruit, water, and vitamins for the next 11 days.  ESPECIALLY the shakes!!!  I have got to keep my protein up so I can ensure I heal well and QUICKLY!!!  Tentatively, I'm going back to work after 17 days...  as opposed to the original 22 days I was planning on taking off.  It's only the difference of 5 days, but I'm guessing a lot can change in 5 days.

This weekend, I'll have the hubs take my before pics so I can post them here.  In the meantime, I'm totally freaking out!  I'm excited, but extremely anxious about it all.  For some reason, I'm scared of looking worse than I do now.  Although I think anything would be an improvement to what I have right now.  It's just hard for me to imagine what I'm going to look like without all the skin around my abdomen and sagging boobs.  Honestly, I've always looked like this so I don't know any different.  The last time I had a semi-normal figure was when I was about 6 or 7 years old.  Somehow, I don't think I can compare the 33 year old body I have now to the body of a prepubescent child.

Did I mention I was freaking out!?!?!?!?

Moving on to Phase 2!!!

Its that time in the journey to move to the second phase and start removing some of this skin!  Weighing in at 219 lbs (total of 206 lb loss from my highest known weight), I wasn't sure if I was jumping the gun.  I figured a visit to the plastic surgeon's office would give me a better understanding.  After meeting with him, he feels that I am an excellent candidate for a circumferential abdominoplasty and he will also be doing a mastopexy to remove excess skin from my ribcage and breasts.

I'm already scheduled for August 25th!!!  Just over 4 weeks till surgery day!  I am definitely freaking out!  Every morning when I get ready for work, I look in the mirror and take inventory of what won't be there anymore.  I can't begin to tell you how life changing this will be! 

As far as my weight goals go, I still have a ways to go.  I know I'm not going to wake up and be at goal weight or look like a model.  I'm very realistic about my expectations.  I need my body to be functional.  With all this extra skin on my midsection, I am no where near as functional as I need or want to be! 

I won't lie...  This next step scares the mess out of me.  But I can't stress how necessary it is in order to keep moving forward in this journey.  I have such amazing people in my life supporting me.  After all is said and done, it will be totally worth it!

Surgical clearance is scheduled for 7/28 and my pre-op appointment is 7/31.  Next week will be a busy one for sure!!!

31 more days!!!!!

Non-Scale Victory of a LIFETIME!!!

For the girls birthdays, we got them tickets to the New Orleans Wizard World Comic Con. On Saturday, we spent the better part of our 10 hour adventure on our feet - walking and seeing everything there was to see at this amazing event! I was amazed by my FitBit's readout at the end of the night. Almost 17,000 steps and nearly 7 miles walked. I think about where I was 7 years ago when I started this journey... I even reread My Story and remembered how badly my back hurt just to stand at the sink to wash dishes. An outing like this was something that only existed in my wildest dreams. I never want MY weight to stand in the way of someone else's dreams and for a long time, my inability to do things like this has kept my girls isolated. That's so not fair to them. The memories they created on this trip will be ones that will last a lifetime... They got to meet Glen (Steven Yeun) from The Walking Dead and get a picture with him. They got to see Stan Lee and Dean Cain and Linda Hamilton and Zach Galligan! We sat in the audience for a taping of an episode of SyFy's The Heroes of Cosplay! Those are so few of the many awesome things we saw and did!!!

There is absolutely no way I could have done this 200 lbs ago. No way.... So this was something completely foreign to me. I've been big for so long, I tend to avoid social situations and crowds like the plague. I think I mentioned before that I deal with an insane amount of anxiety. But despite being sick (2 weeks now with a head cold and chest congestion), I did it. I didn’t allow my insecurities keep me from enjoying myself. I didn’t even think about how still being 100 lbs overweight would affect my joints or how much pain I might be in later. I didn’t once allow any of that to keep my girls from having the absolute best time possible.

We had a freaking blast! They are already planning to go again next year!!! Who knew living was gonna be so much fun!?!?!?

New Year Off to a GOOD Start!

December was tough, but we made it through.  January took some transitioning and some adjustments, but again... we made it through.  My current weight is 227 which has been holding steady for quite some time now.  I started exercising a few weeks ago and with no changes to my diet, I fluctuated up 6 lbs.  Then I got sick and quit exercising and I'm back down to 227.  Weird how that works.  As soon as I can get rid of this upper respiratory junk, I'll resume walking and hopefully preparing for my first 5k.  I committed to a 1/2 marathon for February 2015.  So I have a goal to work toward.

Trying to help hubby get back on track, I made some infused waters to help detox.  I can say the fat flush water with grapefruit, orange, mint, cucumber and green tea tastes like ass.  But there's another one that I found that isn't bad.  this one calls for:

Gallon Jug
4 tbsp lemon juice
4 tbsp diet cranberry juice
2 bags of dandelion tea (brewed)

Mix together in gallon jug and fill with water and refrigerate for 2 hours before drinking.  This is not meant to be a meal replacement. 

I will drink it out of a 24 oz cup.  2 cups of the detox water and I add another 1/2 cup or so of cranberry juice and fill the rest with ice.  Yesterday was my first day trying it out and I was peeing every hour and it definitely helped move things along with #2 as well.  Hubby didn't notice much of a difference, but he'd only had about 1/3 of what I'd had for the day since he was at work most of the day.  I figured I'll give it a week and see how things go.  I'm so close to my 200 lb lost mark.  I'd like to be there SOON!!!  2 more lbs to go!  And only 28 lbs to ONEderland!!!

Our road to healthy has taken a turn for the better.  Our little ones (9 and 10 year old girls) have decided to jump on the wagon with us.  Our almost 9 year old struggles with her weight and has gained 10 lbs since August, despite being active and staying away from junk food.  We have always been very open about nutrition and always talk about how our bodies process food for fuel.  Apparently something sunk in with her and after weighing in at 92 lbs 3 weeks ago, she decided she needed to make a change.  She and I have been working on her food choices and incorporating regular activity and she is down 2.5 lbs.  Because she is still young and growing, I don't want her to focus on losing weight...  I just want her to focus on not gaining.  She will grow into the weight that she is.  But I know how much of a boost it is to her self-esteem to see that her efforts are putting out some positive results!!  So if she loses weight in the process, then we will take every little success we can.


I've got some big goals for the year.  First is to get back to school.  Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll at least finish my Associates in Psychology.  Like I mentioned, I'm aiming for a 5k in a few months and a 1/2 marathon in about a year.  I'm hoping to make it to ONEderland by the end of the year.  I know losing this weight is not a race so I'm fine if it comes off slowly.  I will not sacrifice my health for a number on a scale. 

Well that's all I've got for now.  Hopefully I'll have my 200 lb lost update soon!!!  =)