Food is Fuel, Not a Friend

I often think of Bruce (the shark from Finding Nemo) when I remind myself that food is fuel and not a friend.

My first reaction when I am stressed out is to turn to the fridge or pantry and get something carby to numb me out.  Plain and simple, sugar is a drug to me.  I may not be your everyday run-of-the-mill junkie, but when it comes to sugar, I have absolutely no self control.  Like Bruce, one little sniff of Dory's bloody nose sent him on a frenzy.  Sugar does the same thing to me.  One bite and I have given myself permission to go on a bender. 

For me, being addicted to sugar is just like being a drug addict or alcoholic.  An alcoholic can't have just one drink and then be okay.  I am not just on a diet.  I am working toward a sense of sobriety. 

Dealing with losing my grandfather and all of the drama surrounding it has really made me understand how much I really depend on sugar to get me through those tough times.  By numbing out like that, I am not capable of feeling my own raw emotions and learning to actually deal with them.  I know that if I can get through all of this without slipping, then I can get through anything without sugar and carbs and food. 

Food is fuel, not my friend.  I do not need food as a buffer or a lubricant in order to cope with my problems and deal with my feelings. 

Yesterday was very tough emotionally and trying to explain all of that while crying was just too hard.  I figured that if I blogged about it, all of this might be easier to understand. 

I just can't eat a piece of cake and then go dance it off...  It's just not that simple anymore.  I wish it was, but it's not.